Quick Update: Infections and X-rays

After weeks of diligently bleaching all of Beckett's belongings and our Velveteen Rabbit-like clean out, C.diff strikes back!!! Sweet baby is now being treated for the 7th or 8th time (I have actually lost count) for this bacterial infection in his colon. It seems that his body just cannot fight this infection, and we cannot win! It has become a very frustrating battle. Please pray that his little body would have victory over this recurrent c.diff and that the infection would not cause any "scary damage" to his colon.

Friday, we heard from Beckett's nurse practicioner that the endocrinologist is ready to weigh in on Beckett's case. So tomorrow, we return to the hospital yet again for more blood testing. This is NOT fun for anyone involved. Our little man screams and cries as he lays on the table and a nurse works very hard to get blood from his tiny veins. It typically takes at least two people to get the job done. He is not a "good bleeder" so this is typically a difficult task. In addition to the blood test, he will also have an X-ray done of his left hand. This is a special type of X-ray done to check for bone age. The blood tests and x-rays will give the endocrinologist more insight, and he will determine whether or not they need to see Beckett and if they can possibly help with Beckett's health. After these tests, we will also run in for a weight check.

We are glad to have an endocrinologist looking into Beckett's growth. This will be 8th specialist we have had helping us with Beckett's healthcare. His height has not increased in the last five months. Any baby should show growth over a period of months regardless of how "short" or "tall" he might be. It should be an upward trend. Beckett has plateaued. It is definitely concerning that his height is remaining the same. He has put on a little weight, and we are thankful for that, but he remains off the chart. He has a lot of catching up to do! His head continues to grow on its curve holding steady at the 90th percentile! Perhaps this testing will help lead us to more answers or rule particular things out.

Well, that's a quick and simple update on the health side of things around here. Thank you for checking on Beckett and our family. I am very thankful for your prayers as we continue to look for help for out little man! Have a good week!

Whoo Hoo!

After an exhausting year of appointments, tests, and surgical procedures, I am thankful to say that our insurance has approved our request, and our trip to Cincinnati Children's has been declared, "medically necessary." ...A bit ironic to say that something as drastic as traveling across the country for treatment being called "necessary" for your child is a blessing. But oh, what a blessing it is! It means that we have help in looking for answers and some relief for Beckett.

Because of this authorization, our insurance will reimburse us for 2 round-trip coach airplane tickets and a hundred dollars a night for lodging. We are so thankful for this blessing for our family. It takes a load of stress off of our shoulders. Not only will insurance cover this amount for this trip, but they will cover any other trips we make to Cincinnati Children's Hospital over the next year. Yes, we have been approved for travel to this location for a whole year!

Our new insurance with Kyle's new job has been such a blessing. Just feeding Beckett would cost well over $1000 a month without this insurance. We only have to pay co-pays on all of the things necessary for his feeding. Some of the medicines that aid in his digestion are even free to us! It still adds up, but we are so thankful for the coverage our new insurance provides. Insurance is actually doing what we need it to do, and I cannot express how thankful I am for this. We haven't had to jump through many hoops to get coverage for all of his medical needs. Dealing with insurance has not been part of the headache in all of this, and I am so grateful. And we even have our own "insurance nurse" that calls to check on Beckett and if we are satisfied with the care he is receiving. What a blessing!

Please pray for our trip to Cincinnati. We are praying for wisdom and carefulness for the doctors who will be treating Beckett. We are so hopeful for answers and help maintaining his system. His health has a big impact on his days and his development. Our wonderful pediatrician put it so well when she explained that "failure to thrive and recurrent GI symptoms and infections are negatively impacting Beckett's quality of life and making it hard to develop as a normal toddler would." We are not yet certain that Beckett's health issues are the cause for his developmental delays (primarily a moderate to severe speech and language delay) or more pieces to the puzzle, but I couldn't have said it better myself. And that is why we are searching for more answers and support. We have to know. And we have to do everything we can to help him.

Thank you for praying for our family. Thank you for praying that our insurance would authorize our trip. We are so thankful for praying friends and family. Thank you.

We are so thankful that this battle is not ours alone. We are not in Holland alone. Thank you to a God who is bigger, who is with us fighting our battles, and who already knows all of Beckett's (and our) days.

Brant: Mommy, you know when Beckett is at the hospital and he gets lots of shots and he cries and it isn't working? Well, God is always helping. He's working.

Wow. How do you respond to that? When your four year old is reminding you that while yes, it is hard, God is working. When your baby is crying, God is working. When it still hurts, God is working.

Yes, Brant. Our God is working. He always has been and He always will.

Halloween

I am not quite sure when Halloween became such a big ordeal, but this year it turned into a three part event at our house! This included some costume changes as well! It was a tough decision at first, but Brant finally narrowed it down to Finn McMissle (from Cars 2) and his train conductor costume from last year (although it was a bit short and I had to let out the hems). I was quite surprised he chose Finn McMissle over Lightening McQueen! It seemed as though every church in the area was having some kind of fall festival, so there were several opportunities for fun! Brant is still thoroughly enjoying Halloween as he asks me for more candy every five minutes...It has definitely left an impression on him, and he is eager to know when the next halloween is!

Sweet boy dressed as Finn McMissle...with a bit of tootsie roll on his chin. This is post Fall Festival. Note to everyone who wants to get to Brant's heart- fruity candy! He quickly decided that tootsie rolls are NOT for him.

What are you trying to do to me, Mom?

Now for some fun on the swings. The highlight of Beckett's day, I'm sure!

Don't you just LOVE those faces?!? This is before the school Halloween party! And notice Beckett's hair cut!

Trying to get the two of them to take a picture together is next to impossible. Christmas cards should be interesting this year...hmmmm.

Having a blast at his school Halloween party! He definitely enjoyed some pizza!!

Costume, take 2, was a train conductor, more specifically, he was Gordan's conductor. This year, Brant learned the joy of bounce houses! He loved climbing around in this one and making four wheel drive noises all the while!

Beckett...taking it all in. Notice all that hair! My pictures are a little out of sequence!

Our precious fairy cousin! We attended the fall festival with my sister and her family at their church on Saturday. My little niece is taking her turn at the beanbag toss.

And the picture that just melts my heart! I love this boy!

I hope you all enjoyed your Fall Festivities. I am so thankful for these sweet little boys to share special memories with. We are blessed.

Finding "Normal"

After the addition of a new baby to a family, I think it is common to let a few things go as you adjust to your new life. You may get to-go food a few too many nights a week...(try 7) Or you may let the laundry pile turn into a mountain. You may let yourself off the hook for some social obligations. Your older child(ren) may watch more TV than you previously thought was acceptable. Whatever the case may be, for about 6 to 12 weeks post new baby, something's gotta give as you adjust to this new precious addition to your family. So you look around and you see your new (and old) chaos, but it just doesn't matter anymore. And all you really need to do is enjoy your baby and get sleep when you can because the dishes can wait. Life is in limbo, but you know that new routines will be established, you will sleep again, and everyone will adjust.

Well, we have been living in that newborn limbo for 13 months. I am not too proud to admit that over a year later, there are still bottles filling the sink (or the counters, if they made it that far), the theme song to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse plays a few too many times, and wrappers from last night's burgers in the trashcan. When I was pregnant with Baby B, I had grand plans of what our day would look like and how I would juggle special time with each boy. I had ideas of lining up nap/rest times and bedtimes. The adjustment has taken quite a bit longer than I had anticipated, and I still find that I am allowing myself off the hook for typical daily responsibilities with the disclaimer that "Well, it's like I still have a new baby on 7 feedings a day."

And then I woke up the other day...errr, dragged myself out of bed when I was being summoned...and realized that it is time. It is time to establish some kind of a new normal even amoungst the bottle feedings and appointments. It is time to realize that this is exactly where God has me. This is the job that he has blessed me with, and it is a very special one for which I am so grateful.

A couple weeks ago, I was studying Bible verses on courage. I often pray courage for my family. And I came across this verse from 1 Chronicles 28:

David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished..."

My eyes and my heart just focused in on David's instruction to his son to "do the work," not just once, but twice in this chapter. Do not let the fear of the size of the task be too overwhelming because God is with you. Don't be discouraged that you are an exhausted mother. Keep going, do the work. Don't be afraid of the unknown. Keep going because He is with you and He will not leave you...even in what seems to be too big of a job. Remember, He will not fail you. Earlier in verse 10, David is telling Solomon, "Consider now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house as the sactuary. Be strong and do the work."

Be strong and do the work.

So I have a choice to make. A) I can continue to love and nurture my children in a sort of "survival" mode (i.e. too much TV & not enough reading, too many take out or frozen meals, crawling out of bed when they wake up, leaving chores for another day...) OR B) I can continue to love and nurture my children in a "He's Got This and I can do the work" mode. Regardless, the love and nurture is always there, and regardless, there will always be days when it is okay to leave the dishes in the sink. But it's just how I get through the day to day. I have just felt like it is time to be more intentional, be strong, and do the work...even in this sleep deprived state.

I choose option B. Do the work that God has given me to do today, each day. I will probably still have hard days...days where it all feels like too much. Days that I long to "fix" my child's health. Days where dinner might not get done. And that will be OK. Don't expect to see a spotless house if you come visit...But I am tired of living in this "post new baby" state of mind. (My hair is tired of being here, too.) It is time to find some kind of new normal and do the work...whatever that work might be each day. And be grateful that I have such precious work to do!

December 8

Beckett's surgical biopsy is tentatively set for December 8 in Cincinnati. We are looking forward to getting their opinion (and hopefully some answers) regarding Beckett's digestive problems. They are working to schedule the other testing around this date, and the week of bowel management will follow the surgery. We are excited at the possibility of answers and solutions, but I think with that excitement comes some nerves. It is easy to get side-tracked by the negative questions running through my head...What if they cannot figure it out? What if there is nothing they can do about it either? What if we just have to continue on this schedule of bottle feeding formula indefinitely? But, then I stop myself...or at least attempt to. I know that worrying about what will happen does not help anything. There is no productivity in worry. In fact, worry just eats away at you and makes everything harder, so I am working to choose not to worry. Not always easy...but worry is sin. It is a sin that so easily creeps in and takes a hold of our hearts. It has always been a struggle for me. I can so easily be caught in the grip of worry. It is one of Satan's attempts to "devour" me. But I refuse to give Satan that power and live in constant worry. I want to place all my trust in God and remind myself constantly that He is in control. He is bigger than all of this. He is bigger than tests and doctors and answers. He is our Creator and the one who holds us all. So I daily..hourly...work to push worry out and give it all to God. I am so thankful for a God who cares for us and loves us. We are very hopeful that this trip will bring us new options for Beckett. This hospital is number one in the country for pediatric gastroenterology after all! We are praying for solutions. I know that regardless of the outcome of our trip to Cincinnati, our God, the same God who created the sun, moon, and stars, is taking care of my sweet Beckett and our family. And He always will.

1 Peter 5:7-11
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen.

Our Little Pumpkins

This weekend we finally did it! We took pictures in a pumpkin patch! Beckett really enjoyed the pumpkins and playing in the dirt. We probably could have left him sitting there for at least a half an hour, and he would have been very content! Brant, on the other hand, was not a big fan of the idea of our fall photo shoot. We did, however, manage to get a few smiles out of him, and I think he really did have fun!

Happy Fall Everyone!

A Very Suessy Birthday!

Well, better late than never! I am finally posted pictures from Beckett's big day! Kyle and I thought that a Dr. Seuss theme would be just perfect for our little man because it is fun and bright and whimsical (Kyle's words, not mine...Ha!) And because he reminds us of a precious little "who" straight out of Whoville with his big round eyes and sweet curls of hair around his face. We had fun preparing for little man's big day! It was a such a huge milestone, and we were so thankful to be able to celebrate with our family and friends! The day started out with Brant eagerly making "special" cupcakes for Beckett. He was so excited to make his little brother a pretend treat. Aren't those little hard-working hands precious?

Brant was more excited about Beckett's birthday than Beckett was! He ran into his room singing "Happy Birthday" that morning. Followed immediately by the statement that Beckett was now a big boy and could play with him. Then he asked, "So can Beckett walk now?" He also noticed that "Beckett is one now, but he is still pretty tiny." He is a very loving brother, and he is so eager to teach his little brother all kinds of new things!

The Birthday Boy!

I decided to attempt to get crafty for Beckett's party. It was actually a lot of fun. I made the banner from scrapbook paper and polka dot ribbons. We bought the Dr. Seuss book, Happy Birthday to You!, and had all the guests sign it for Beckett.

More craftiness...I made this door wreath from a cut-up Dr. Seuss board book. I had wanted to hang a B from the middle, but I ran out of time. :) I plan on adding that later, and hanging this on his door. You could really make one of these wreaths to fit nearly any child's party theme as long as you can find a fitting book. I plan on making one for Christmas. I'll let you know how it goes.

Brant loves cake!

Sweet Beckett!

Beckett absolutely loved his toy cake! Because he could not eat any real cake, I searched very hard to find this toy cake for him. It was perfect. His face lit up when he realized everyone in the room was singing to him. It was priceless.

It was a wonderful day. I am so very thankful for our little boy! Yay, ONE!!!

Thank you for all of your prayers for our sweet Beckett and our family over the past year. We are so thankful for them. We know God is at work in our lives. We know he has a perfect plan for Beckett and Brant and our family. As it says above Beckett's bed:

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11

We trust in God's plan. Thanks for praying.